Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
