There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
