Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
