Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
