Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
