Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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