I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
