Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
