i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think I am morally bankrupt
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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