u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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