Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Randomize
