well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
