so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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