i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
