He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
