i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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