listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
