I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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