super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
