I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
