In the future we'll all be gay
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
