It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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