hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
