i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
