I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I supernannyed him into submission
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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