that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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