no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
