i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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