My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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