so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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