last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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