shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
