i don't plan on having that self control this summer
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
