My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
