i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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