too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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