new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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