If i could tip my vagina, i would.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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