Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
