Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
