it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
