Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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