when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
third nipple confirmed
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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