I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
this boner is exhausting
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
