Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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