Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
how drunk are you?
Several
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
