Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
