so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
