Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
