Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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